Welcome to the jungle!
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meet the predator
call me jenie
born on 02/20/83 after my Dad & Mom drank beer and ate balut 9 months before
lives in Singapore, but always a Pinoy at heart
works as an advertising copywriter, but hates proofreading her blog entries
loves true friends, fake DVD's, alternative music, alcohol, sarcasm, boxing, hatha yoga, and House (the TV series,not the music genre)
loathes indifference, power trippers, narcissists, giant egos and bad breath
tries to live by the quote "Postpone death by living, by suffering, by error, by risking, by giving, by losing." by Anais Nin
Crossing the bridge too soon
Thank you for the reassurance. I apologize if I have so many fears. Hearing about break up stories weakens me, and at the same time, alarms me of what could happen if we don’t strive to make it work. I live in fear, and I hate it. But I’ll do my best to be strong, and to be prepared for the worst while hoping for the best. I know we’ll do whatever it takes to last in this relationship.
It felt good to let it out though. I couldn’t help the tears because I’m afraid of being left by someone I love, again. I’m afraid of what men can do to hurt us. I’m afraid of being abandoned, though I haven’t experienced it yet since you are my first. Nonetheless, I’m extremely frightened of what you can do to me later on. I know about others’ stories and it can also happen to us. I’m sorry if I keep on comparing what they have with ours. I can’t help it. For me, all men are the same, as much as I try to see you differently. I’m so sorry. I’ll try to change. Just give it time.
I’m very grateful for your kind and reassuring words. Thank you for comforting me when I surrendered to my fear of losing you. You give me strength while I sink in all my fears because of all the pain I’ve been through. I hope and pray that if ever the worst comes, we wouldn’t hate each other. I wish we’d remain friends.
I know I’m thinking ahead again. I just want to be realistic. The Cloud 9 stage is temporary. I know relationships take a lot of effort, sacrifice and compromise. And despite all of the hardships, the lighter and happier memories should prevail. And we shouldn’t focus on how we parted ways, and why. The same goes when you lose someone. I’ve learned that one shouldn’t dwell on the day your loved one died. One should dwell on the days he lived.
Right now, I know we both feel bliss. I’m thankful for the time we spend together each day. I only hope and pray that someday we’ll remember the greatness of what we have right now, even after the waves we could go through later on.
Having you still seems implausible, because it’s such an amazing blessing to fathom. A famous writer once said, "The greatest happiness of life is the conviction that we are loved – loved for ourselves, or rather, or loved in spite of ourselves."
Believe it or not, I’m still overwhelmed that I’m one of the lucky few who are experiencing the ‘greatest happiness’. And I have you to be thankful for. :)
11:47 AM
Monday, June 06, 2005
