the refugee
Just when you thought things are going you’re way, your subconscious finds a loophole to mess things up. See, I’m supposed to be happy. Or at least that’s what people think so. Whoever said that being in a relationship saves you from depression and loneliness, is absolutely wrong. “When you’re feeling fucked up, no one can do anything about it.” That’s the first thought that popped in my head when the alarm clock disturbed my slumber-slash-hangover.
What a horrible conundrum. Feeling awful without acknowledging why is insane and stupid, but who cares. You end up drinking and getting wasted to no avail and you wake up with the same twisted emotions again. When life’s treating you fine, and everything seems to be smooth sailing, the masochist side of me searches for complications and dwells on life’s ugliness to make life more exhilarating.
Try it yourself! All you have to do is add a pint of extreme idealism, 3 cups of pessimism, 5 teaspoons of ingratitude and a dash of impatience. And soon, you will have for yourself the recipe of absolute misery; just the way you like it.
So I ask myself why I’m feeling horrible lately and I hear no answer. Some will say that I only lack faith or prayer. Others may say I only have PMS, when I’m not. One might say that I’m making my own life difficult. I don’t really care what they say. I’ve learned to enjoy wallowing in this dark and gloomy abyss. I will rant. I’ll be bitter and I’ll be hostile. That’s what I do. I’ll have a vacation here for as long as I have friends to sulk with, and we got enough of ‘this’ and ‘that’.
Misery is my constant refuge. I’ll always find myself crawling back when everything seems to be smooth sailing, or in other words, just plain boring.
3:18 PM
Wednesday, March 29, 2006
First time mo? Part 1
What have you done for the first time this merry month of March?
- tried Spicy Tuyo flakes at Café Bola
- attempted to visit the Ob-Gyne
- Saw ‘The Surfer’ in someone’s party. He really reminds me of Basti. Shyet.
- Got locked out of the condo for almost 2 hours because of the defective doorknob!
- Learned how to install a doorknob with Tatoff. So if you get locked out, call me!
- Pigged out at Amici di Don Bosco with Tatoy
- Treated Tatoy for dinner at Oyster Boy because he helped me with a raket
- Went to JM’s house in Commonwealth for his grad party. Finally!
- Went to Jeff’s house in that far, far away land
- Influenced people to use meebo.com
- Dreamed about falling off a window, but survived
- Jogged and played frisbee with my officemates at Legaspi Park
- Trekked up and reached the top of Mt. Pulag
- Watched “Hostel” without squirming at the gory parts
- Went boxing without wraps so I had a blister on my knuckle
- Heard Wolfgang songs again. Haven’t listened to them in almost 2 years
- Drank and got drunk with Don Enrique Mixkila and told everyone that we did the label
- Had excruciating UTI!
- Heard not-so-wonderful news from my best friend. It's not completely confirmed though, but it already depresses me
- Helped Tatoff decide if he’s going to move out of the house and rent with my officemates. (Too late the hero though :p)
- Had doubts pursuing THE PLAN (But I changed my mind. I’m psyched again!)
- became a matchmaker of my officemate and college friend. They’re now officially dating!
- Watched “Miss Match” last night. How ironic.
That’s about it. I hope to have more exciting firsts again next month. Hehe :-)
12:05 PM
Tuesday, March 28, 2006
cause and effect
My first ever attempt to visit the Ob-Gyne failed because…
… Tatoff was extremely late and I was pissed
… I freaked out after 45 minutes of being surrounded by pregnant women, so I decided to go boxing instead to release my anger
… I’m not ready yet
Couples fight because…
… someone is very late for an important occasion and the other felt neglected
… someone is very tactless and cold-hearted when mad
… fighting and making up soon is normal
I won money from playing poker only for the 2nd time because…
… I was busy watching Crank Yankers on ETC
… I didn’t know the rules of the game that much
… I got lucky (even if it was only 150 bucks hehe)
Conversations with my Mom are frustrating because…
… she wants an ideal life for her remaining daughter
… the daughter will always be a stubborn fool who wants to go against the norms
… the mother will forever be Opus Dei-minded and the daughter can’t do anything about it
I commuted all the way to Antipolo with a cake yesterday because...
... I wanted to make it up to him after uttering that heart-piercing line
... I wanted to experience what he goes through every time he visits me in Makati
... it's our 13th monthsary today and I love him :o)
5:09 PM
Monday, March 20, 2006
highs and lows
HIGHS
1) 1st quarter bonus!
2) Tatoff got hired in Citigroup Makati, and we're in the same street! Woohoo!!!
3) got Cebu Pacific P10 promo tickets for Mama, Tatoff and I
4) participatied a very informative online teaching seminar
5) dropped by Mark's bday party with Tatoff
6) met up with Aja last night :)
7) went to Ala's despedida last Friday and saw these for the first time:
Ala and Nino fire dancing
Ang galing nila! I want to learn zips too!
LOWS
1) treating people who have money and don't even return the favor :S
2) discovering that the online tutor part-time job pays CHEAP and can't fit my unpredictable sched. So much for acing the simulation part.
3) And lastly, I hate having this:
I have f@^#^$@ UTI = Undeniably Torturous Ihi! Sobrang sakit, and I was peeing blood! I'm also under medication so that means no alcohol for this Thursday's party! Ugh ugh ugh! :S
11:57 AM
Wednesday, March 15, 2006
pulag pix!!! :o)
sa jeep, while resting from the bumpy, rocky ride from Baguio
hobbit house we found while trekking up. Astig!
ang ganda ng pinas! i have one million more nature shots hehe
nakarating rin sa camp site! whew!
At Mt. Pulag's peak!!! Thumbs up for the fantastic view and thumbs up for the kiss haha! Started walking at 430 AM from the campsite. Missed the sunrise, but it's okay. All the sweat, frozen fingers & toes plus muscle pains were worth it! Sa uulitin! :o)
10:27 AM
Thursday, March 09, 2006
ramble scramble
1) I want to work out. I failed to hit the gym this week, when I need it most. I hope I have enough endurance and patience during the climb tomorrow.
2) I lack sleep. My little nook in the condo is just not conducive to a peaceful slumber. Add that to my daily anxiety and excitement this week. I'm so glad it's Friday and we're going out of town.
3) I have a new haircut. This week, I've been so eager to cut my thick, breast-length, chaotic hair. I told the stylist at C. Britanico to trim 2 inches off it, but he ended up giving me an entirely different hairstyle. I was shocked at first, but my head's a lot lighter. My hair doesn't look that thick and messed up, and I feel like I don't need to comb it. Hurray!
4) My close high school friend's engaged. Last night, we had dinner with his fiance (naks!) at Glorietta. Though I'm one of the first people who knew about their love story and plans, I still can't believe she's tying the knot. I know she's mature and she's ready, but when I try and put myself in her shoes, I cringe. Different strokes for different folks. But I'm really happy for them. Finally, they can be 'together'. I'll really miss her when she leaves though. I can't believe marriage may require you to leave everything and everyone behind for your beloved. On the other hand, I think I'll completely understand, in time. :P
5) I'm glad the relationship's smooth sailing. Thank God for this sense of warmth and security. We've learned a lot in the past year, and we're just enjoying each and every moment. No pressures from the future, just bliss from the present. I love being able to answer "How are you two?" with a grin and my thumbs up, just like how it happened last night. I'm loving this steady feeling.
6) Work's fine. After more than a year in this field, I've learned to be numb from arrogance and redundancy. I just do what must be done because some faceless client said so. I've managed to be indifferent to rejection and failure. And I'm very proud of myself. :-)
Here's a comic strip that says it all:
10:16 AM
Friday, March 03, 2006
damulag patungong pulag
We're leaving for Baguio tomorrow night and I'm so distracted and excited. Ugh :-)
I've been buying gear and stuff, but missed on the most important thing: the back pack! Apparently, the huge back pack I brought isn't big enough. Well, it's not the bag mountaineers use because that's too pricy. Anyway, thanks to Rhandyng Anay for helping me not make mountains out of molehills. :-)
[13:20] jen_e220: uy may alam ka pang mahihiraman ng bag?
[13:20] randyalingalan: bakit?
[13:20] randyalingalan: wala kang bag?
[13:21] jen_e220: maliit pala eh. ugh
[13:21] jen_e220: ung kay tatoff rin, di kasya ung mga gamit plus iba pang gear
[13:22] randyalingalan: hay nako...sabi ko kasi sa inyo eh...pero baka din nag oover pack na kayo...
[13:23] randyalingalan: isang set of clothes lang pang akyat baba...tapos isang set of clothes na pang byahe...
[13:23] jen_e220: di nga eh. sobrang pack smart na
[13:23] randyalingalan: ok lang mangamoy...
[13:23] jen_e220: oo nga
[13:23] jen_e220: kasya yung clothes, pero wala pa don ung ibang ipapadala like food and water
[13:24] randyalingalan: ano ba yung bag mo?
[13:24] randyalingalan: si chiara may bag kaso, di kami mag mimit anytime soon eh.
[13:25] jen_e220: back pack na malaki. but not big enough. onga eh, tanungin ko rin si wes ulit kng may extra pa sila
[13:25] randyalingalan: sori chong...
[13:25] randyalingalan: try niyo rin mag bawas ng damit...
[13:26] randyalingalan: tapos yung damit niyo, ilagay mo sa zip lock, upuan mo, tapos tsaka mo i-seal para air-tight and compressed talaga...it saves alot of space
[13:26] jen_e220: oks lang baka kc manigas na ko sa lamig pag nagbawas pa ng damit.may kumot pa, ugh
[13:26] randyalingalan: baka naman yung kumot mo sobrang kapal
[13:26] jen_e220: onga noh, cge lagay ko sa zip lock
[13:26] jen_e220: saka hanap akong ibang kumot
[13:27] jen_e220:
[13:27] jen_e220: thanks!
[13:27] randyalingalan: ganito jenie...
[13:27] randyalingalan: yung suot mo papunta, sa byahe, yun na din yung pang-akyat mo...
[13:27] randyalingalan: so that's 1 set of clothes na...
[13:27] jen_e220: cge
[13:28] randyalingalan: 2nd set, pang camp/panglamig--2 layers ng shirt(1 long sleeve, 1 short) +jacket+joggingpants+socks+gloves+bonnet
[13:29] randyalingalan: the following day, pababa, suot mo uli yung pinangakyat mo.
[13:30] randyalingalan: tapos pag nakababa na kayo...ang suot mo pauwi, yung pinangtulog mo
[13:30] randyalingalan: parang all in all, 3 sets of clothes lang dala mo!
[13:30] jen_e220: onga noh! galing mo! hehe cge babawasan ko mamaya
[13:30] randyalingalan: gets?
[13:31] randyalingalan: di ba kayo binigyan ng checklist ni wes kung ano mga dadalin?
[13:31] jen_e220: binigyan
[13:32] randyalingalan: ay 2 sets of clothes lang pala yun...
[13:32] jen_e220: ang dami eh
[13:32] randyalingalan: 1 - trek clothes...akyat baba....2 - byahe/camp clothes
[13:33] randyalingalan: yung ibang stuff share niyo as a group...
[13:33] jen_e220: cge cge
[13:33] jen_e220: ayusin ko ulit
[13:33] randyalingalan: di na kelangan ng kumot...malong lang, basta naka jacket, solve na yun...
[13:33] randyalingalan: sige sige
[13:34] jen_e220: okidoks!
[13:34] jen_e220: malaking bawas ung kumot hehe
[13:34] jen_e220: thanks randy!
[13:34] randyalingalan: hehe...baka comforter pa yun hehehe...malong is the bomb!
[13:34] jen_e220: hehe di naman. cge sarong na lang dalhin ko, wala kong malong
[13:35] randyalingalan: basta pag sobrang ginaw...mag hubad nalang kayo ni tatoff tapos mag yakapan at magyapusan,...hehe
[13:36] randyalingalan: pero seryoso, yung naha-hypothermia, ganon ginagawa...body heat transfer...
[13:36] jen_e220: haha ano ba yun! mas malamig yun e
[13:36] jen_e220: ah ganun ba?
[13:36] randyalingalan: oo...
[13:36] jen_e220: hehe
[13:36] randyalingalan: alagaan mo boyps mo...hehe
[13:37] jen_e220: oo naman
[13:37] randyalingalan: tubig lagi tsaka trail food...
[13:37] jen_e220: yup
[13:37] randyalingalan: pag may pinulikat, pakainin niyo ng salt or something salty
[13:37] jen_e220: cge. tandaan ko lahat ng bilin mo
[13:38] randyalingalan: keep moving din...kahit slow lang...better than stopping kasi pag huminto, mas giginawin. lalo na pag nasa taas na...
[13:38] randyalingalan: shet, inggit ako!
[13:38] randyalingalan: wag na kayo tumuloy! next week nalang! hehe para sama ako!
[13:38] randyalingalan: hehe
[13:39] jen_e220: kung pwede lang eh
Yey! Now my problem's solved. I just need to figure out how to squeeze in 2 liters of water and canned goods. Tatoff and I haven't been jogging as we should so good luck to our shoulders, legs, lower backs, joints, abs, maximus gluteus, our hearts and our lungs. Bow.
I can't wait for this work week to end!!!
1:14 PM
Thursday, March 02, 2006
Ala and Nino fire dancing
Ang galing nila! I want to learn zips too!
sa jeep, while resting from the bumpy, rocky ride from Baguio
hobbit house we found while trekking up. Astig!
ang ganda ng pinas! i have one million more nature shots hehe
nakarating rin sa camp site! whew!
At Mt. Pulag's peak!!! Thumbs up for the fantastic view and thumbs up for the kiss haha! Started walking at 430 AM from the campsite. Missed the sunrise, but it's okay. All the sweat, frozen fingers & toes plus muscle pains were worth it! Sa uulitin! :o)
