reklamo time
Before I continue writing my masterpiece of an AVP script (NOT!), I just want want to complain about mankind's injustice. Two weeks ago, I booked 4 Cebu Pacific tickets. And today, I found out they're having another one of those P99 promo even for international flights! Damn it!!! We could've saved 3k each!!! Uggggghhhhhhhh!!!! I've no more savings!!!!!
Anyway, now I wish my Mom had a die-hard suitor who owns a travel agency. Bwahahaha!
P.S. Tatoy, stop being jealous of my imaginary die-hard suitor who writes well. I made 'him' up because I'm sure no one in his right frame of mind would write an 8-page Infomercial kind of an AVP script for me, for free. :-)
10:39 AM
Wednesday, November 29, 2006
AVP - Another Vexing Project
Who has a heart of gold and extremely in love with writing, desperate to do anything to help a friend in need, and willing to do my job at a very measly price?
I'm guessing NO ONE! Bwahahaha!
I'm starting to wish I had a die-hard suitor who writes well. Bwahahahahahaha!
Now get back to work, you slave!
3:32 PM
Tuesday, November 28, 2006
before giving up on the L word, read this.
Eternally beautiful
Humming in my UNIVERSE By Jim Paredes
The Philippine STAR 11/05/2006
Exactly 29 years ago on Oct. 29, Lydia and I walked down the aisle. She was 20 and I was 25, both of us wide-eyed but so sure of ourselves and our decision to stay together forever as we plunged into matrimony. We were sure, the way young people tend to be certain, that it was going to be an adventure. But little did we know that it was going to be a big one, probably the biggest one we’d ever know.
Getting married is like signing a blank check. You have no idea how much it will cost you. You are committing an unquantifiable amount of material and emotional capital – time, money, patience, sacrifice, and an infinite number of things you have not even begun to imagine that you must deal with eventually.
Many of them are real minefields as Lydia and I, like all couples, soon discovered. There are the in-laws, kids, expenses, the balance between career and family life, personal habits, sex, jealousy, etc. There is also the process of arriving at a "negotiated settlement" on how to deal with things like getting along with each other’s friends, child rearing, spending habits, religion, hobbies, and how much "independence" the partners should be allowed. The institution of marriage, as we inherited it, was very complicated.
One of the things I found out much later in our married life is that there is a difference between a love affair and a marriage. A love affair has a dynamic that is different from a marital bond. Generally, love affairs are not meant to last. They are meant to have a beginning and an end. Why? Because they are about two separate people bonded by romantic, oceanic feelings of what seems like love. They live for the intense feeling, riding it as far as it will go and split up when the thrill is gone.
Marriage, on the other hand, is the experience of life by two people as a couple. Many times, new couples discover that they are not an easy fit, as Lydia and I discovered early on. That’s why in a marital relationship one must necessarily give up big parts of himself/herself to the union to get a payback. While one may still want some privacy and independence, one cannot have them without a large dose of a shared life. From the start until the end, marriage is about two people experiencing one and the same lifetime.
It starts with romance and the sexual thrill of being with each other, but you can only count on those for so long. Anyone married for more than 10 years can attest that there are times when the attraction which seemed so strong when you first laid eyes on each other as single people can be non-existent for long periods. Viewed from the perspective of a love affair, that is certainly not a good thing. One may feel like the journey has reached a stretch of uninteresting flatlands. The joyride is over.
But from the perspective of a long marriage, this is simply a hiatus of sorts, or may even be the first signs of a qualitative change in the way one loves. It can be disconcerting at first but if you stick around long enough, the picture starts to get clearer. While gone may be (from time to time) the breathtaking highs and exhilarating moments, something else may be happening. Author M. Scott Peck put it so well when he wrote that "the death of romantic love can be the start of true love."
In our early years, Lydia and I felt that being married meant we had to do something dramatic all the time to keep it going. But as we got older, the doing often gave way to just being. Where before, love had to be "proven" by the sparkling diamond on her finger, or the great trip abroad, or the special dinner with wine in some plush place, love in our 29-year marriage feels no compulsion to prove itself as dramatically. Having long walks, conversations after dinner, holding hands during long drives, snuggling in bed or just simply being together – sometimes without even talking – have often taken the place of all that. While sex can still be as great as ever, the truth is, as an older couple, we have discovered other ways to remain interested in each other. There is not only comfort but magic in the "ordinary," as one realizes that love can be expressed in simply caring or supporting each other’s steps towards personal and spiritual growth.
One of the big recent highlights of our journey as life partners was Lydia’s big cancer scare three years ago. We felt so helpless as we tried to deal with the fear of losing each other. But we took it on as a couple. As far as we were concerned, we both had cancer. Those were days of great emotional upheaval. Ironically, they were also moments of calm and assurance. Even as we cried about it, we also learned that we loved each other enough to willingly suffer together because, paradoxically, by doing so, we eased each other’s pain.
This may sound flippant, if not cruel, but looking back, I can say that if I could only guarantee survival, I would recommend cancer to everyone because of what it has done for Lydia and me. It has been such a rare opportunity to meet and accept unconditionally the hard-to-take faces of love that we often run away from. Yet when we bit the bullet, we opened ourselves to greater depth and began to see the face of the Divine in the other human being we had chosen to love. Only then did we realize that all the suffering made sense.
In the end, the very suffering we undergo turns into something eternally beautiful.
8:33 PM
Thursday, November 23, 2006
work kills.
I repeat, NOBODY notices.
Take it easy, folks!
And to T, I pray to God and to all the saints up above that you'll quit smoking. It's bad for you. Do you believe me now? You're too young to have a diastolic pressure like that. Please take care of your health. I don't want to lose someone to cigarette smoking again.
5:58 PM
Wednesday, November 22, 2006
pacman of the hour
from Yahoo! Photos
A week before the second Pacquiao-Morales bout last January, I decided to drag my almost overweight self to Red Corner to try out a sport which suits my hostility - boxing. After Pacquiao won that fight, I was even more inspired to pursue the sport. I just fell in love with the instensity of every training or punchbag class, and I knew I found the sport I was looking for.
Months after, I haven't got much time to devote to boxing. Each visit would give me body pains but I alwas thought they were all worth it. I didn't care if I lost weight or not, I just really enjoyed every jab, hook, and cut.
After coming back from my hibernation last September, I was surprised and flattered to receive an invitation from the trainer to join the inter-gym's boxing challenge. He even called my "Pacquiao" since I was left handed. My sexuality was also questioned because I punch relatively hard for a girl. (How masochistic, right?)
As much as I would want to be a lady boxer and fight for real inside the ring, I just had to decline. My work schedule just doesn't allow me to train daily, plus Tatoff and my mom freaked out when I told them I was invited. The fear of getting beaten up didn't really bother me. In fact, I was more afraid of hurting my opponent.
I watch the other girls trained at night, and felt remorse at one time. I wanted to be a good boxer, aside from wanting to be trim and tight. But then, I had doubts just thinking how fast my body gains muscle. I already appear masculine and honestly, I wouldn't want my biceps any bigger than they already are especially during my friend's wedding come January next year.
It's been almost a year since I began the sport of boxing. I'm still in love with it but sadly, I haven't given it much time. Given the choice, I'd want to teach a boxing class as a hobby or even as a part-time job. After watching the 3rd fight this afternoon, I admired dedicated boxers, like Pacquiao, even more. At the same time, I regret not joining the boxing challenge. If only I alloted some time for training and sacrificed some of my whims, I would've experienced what it is to be a real boxer. I would've experienced how it is to fight my own fight, literally.
The succeeding months will be full of challenges and I got bouts to overcome as well. Boxing reminds me of the courage, strength and determination to win the most arduous fight each of us has to face.
Hail Pacquiao for winning his match, and thumbs up to everyone who has the heart to win against every punch of life!
10:03 PM
Sunday, November 19, 2006
what's new?
Overtime on a Friday night again.
I hope this weekend makes up for it. In the meantime, Happy Tree Friends is my refuge.
9:27 PM
Friday, November 17, 2006
a 5-phrase update
1) Missing home
2) Anticipating my salary
3) Getting that e-mail
4) Claiming the laundry too late
5) Puking at work coz of an upset stomach
6:51 PM
Thursday, November 16, 2006
who are you calling 'chicken'?!
That's me!
The woman from far far far away called last night while we were in Starbucks. Obviously, I was caught off-guard. Why didn't you e-mail me first? Why?!?!
But anyway, what's done is done. Though I think I screwed it up, but there's no use crying over spilled milk. There are more calls to come, I believe. The call last night was a tough test. It made me question my determination. It made me question my dreams. I wasn't ready for it, I admit. And I realized that if if ever I was prepared and ended up passing it with flying colors, I'm not so certain if I'm ready to leave everything behind either. Not yet.
Yes I'm a coward. But who wouldn't be? When life's treating you fairly well and you're surrounded by people you love, would you pack your bags and leave in a heartbeat for money? I guess not.
2:34 PM
Saturday, November 11, 2006
my friday night gimmick
I'm in the office. Weee! Rush requirements came late today thus my forced overtime work on a wonderful Friday night. I'm not really pissed I wasn't able to go out eventhough there are 2 drinking sprees waiting for me tonight. It's because I can't drink just yet. I'm not sure if that woman from far far away is gonna call in half an hour. I don't want to sound drunk and leave a bad first impression. Come to think of it, I'm not even prepared. I can't screw this up! Shit. Shit. Shit.
10:29 PM
Friday, November 10, 2006
one e-mail
That’s all it takes for an apprehensive womanist to have a renewed faith in herself, and in the power of prayer.
I do hope, and pray, that this is a sign of great things to come.
7:10 PM
Tuesday, November 07, 2006
emo a la mode
Why do I always end up comparing my choices with others’?
Why do I have a tendency to idealize this relationship to suit my standards when I’m not ideal at all?
Why do I wander off when I feel life is coming my way?
Why am I finding it hard to reconcile what people say is ‘right and normal’ from what I consider ‘real’?
Why do I subconsciously believe that happiness is only for some people, and I’m not one of them?
This part from the first season of ‘House’ sums up what I’m going through right now. And of course, I love his reply.
John Henry Giles (sax player dying of pneumonia and wants his doctor to pull the plug):
"I know that limp. I know the empty ring finger. And that obsessive nature of yours, that’s a big secret. You don’t risk jail and your career just to save somebody who doesn’t want to be saved unless you got something, anything, one thing. The reason normal people got wives and kids and hobbies, whatever. That’s because they don’t got that one thing that hits them that hard and that true. I got music, you got this. The thing you think about all the time, the thing that keeps you south of normal. Yeah, makes us great, makes us the best. All we miss out on is everything else. No woman waiting at home after work with the drink and the kiss, that ain’t gonna happen for us."
House: That’s why God made microwaves.
===========================
In other news, I just remembered that it’s the 9th death anniversary of my Dad today. I can’t believe it’s been that long. Time, among other things, really does help heal the pain. In fact, sometimes I think it’s gone. Or perhaps I’ve forgotten about it already.
Anyway, I hope my Dad helps me figure out answers to my rhetorical ‘Dear Ate Charo’ questions. If he were alive, I bet he’ll give me that stoic, puckered brow look and say, “Tumigil ka nga.”
4:03 PM
Friday, November 03, 2006
5-day break pix
10/27/06
Chivas Tokyo Party at M Cafe with officemates
design folks
firedancers by the pond
japanese live painter
10/28/06
Octoberdays Celebration at White Plains with Musmos friends
10/29/06
Tagaytay with Tatoy
10/30/06
Tatoy sleeps over the Sta. Rosa house for the first time
At Kanin Club, Paseo de Sta. Rosa with my mom and nephew
11/01/06
The remaining Gabriel family - My mom, my brother Mark, my sister-in-law Frency and my nephew Migs
Kami na lang ang natitirang 'Gabriel', oh no! That means I shouldn't change my last name haha joke :S
Alleluia for the past 5 stress-free days!
8:17 PM
Thursday, November 02, 2006
post-halloween blues
In a couple of hours, the 5-day break will be over. Sheesh. Time flies when you're just lounging around, chatting, surfing the Net, sleeping more than 8 hours a day, watching the 1st season of House, pigging out day-in and day-out, watching nonsensical shows on cable TV, and being in denial that the wonderful days are numbered. Nonetheless, I got no right to complain.
Tatoff and I were together from Saturday night 'til Monday morning. He sleptover at the Sta. Rosa house for the first time. Of course, my Mom and brother won't leave us in a room alone. Oh well, such is life. My angst rose once again and I kept thinking how unfair it is that couples with rocky marriages are allowed to sleep beside each other every night, while unwed ones, no matter how much they love each other, aren't. Yes, yes, marriage is a requirement. But come on, sometimes it's just all about norms and culture. Talk about hypocrisy. Sheesh.
Anyway, my brother's family also stayed over. I got to spend time with my nephew, who's grwoing up to be a well-mannered boy despite being an only child and his parent's history. This is also the longest time I got to be in the same house as my sister-in-law. It's all good though. I'm sure my Mom was elated for the company no matter how many mouths she had to feed. It's also our first time to visit my Dad and brother's grave together. It became some sort of a bonding thing, and I'm sure our dearly departed folks are happy. I actually feel a sense of warmth and security when I'm there. I should visit more than once a year, I guess. Though I pray and talk to them every night, it still feels good to pay them a visit.
Tomorrow, it's back to reality. But I'm really grateful I took a break and spent time with my family. Though we barely talk to each other, being under one roof is enough. Well, in my Dad and brother's case, sitting on the same ground.
2:11 PM
Wednesday, November 01, 2006
from Yahoo! Photos
design folks
firedancers by the pond
japanese live painter
At Kanin Club, Paseo de Sta. Rosa with my mom and nephew
Kami na lang ang natitirang 'Gabriel', oh no! That means I shouldn't change my last name haha joke :S
