reflexology aftermath
When my Mom asked me if I wanted to have a reflexology session with the lady referred by her friend, I immediately agreed. It's free anyway, and I wanted to know if there might be some ailments in my body. Her 2-hour session with my Mom ended at 1030PM, right after I finished watching 'Desperate Housewives'.
She began pressing some points in my foot and said, "Mataas uric acid mo, bawasan mo junk food". Okay, I realized I was going to hear all sorts of eating sermons throughout the night. But I was wrong. When he massaged the lower part of my shin, she said, "High ang tolerance mo sa pain. Sobra. Masakit dapat 'to eh" I just laughed. "Masyado kang secretive. Sabi nga nila 'no man is an island'. Iba sinasabi at pinapakita mo sa nararamdaman."
I started to freak out. How the hell did she know that? My mother, who's listening on the isde, kept on making comments about that part of my personality. And it gets worse. After pinching and pressing my foot some more, she began babbling about my career goals, how ambitious I am, and that I'm not meant to be in this country. That's the second time some 'gifted' people told me that I'll be working abroad someday because I'll find it boring here. On the other hand, my Mom who has expressed her plans to leave too, won't be happy when she decides to leave the country.
Okay, so it doesn't stop there. When she started talking about my relationship with Tatoff, whom she saw hours ago, I totally freaked out. I wouldn't go into the details, but believe it or not, EVERYTHING she said was absolutely true. All my thoughts, my worries and fears about the relationship were out in the open, and I just laughed in disbelief. I was too shocked to hear everything that I don't even tell anyone, and I don't even write in both my journals. Darn this woman's freaky, and good, if I may add.
After an hour of knowing what's wrong with my body, I still couldn't stop thinking about one particular detail she said about my relationship or 'love life' as they call it. She reminded me that it's still up to me and things can still change depending on what I really want and what I pray for. Alright, that's good to hear.
Hearing everything you've been keeping and trying to shrug off to prevent 'complications' from a woman you just met was too hard to handle already. And I couldn't stand hearing any more of the truth, with my Mom listening and I nodding to almost 100% of the things the woman said.
I didn't know if I was freaked out because she and my Mom knew about all of my thoughts, considering I'm 'secretive' and all, or if I just couldn't accept the truth - that it hurts and I can't ignore it completely, and how it haunts me almost every single day. It pains and scares me to hear the truth I've denied from someone else. But what else can I do? The truth can either set me free, or chain me in a dungeon for as long as I want to be my own prisoner.
9:57 AM
Friday, October 28, 2005
i am a nincompoop because...
- i worry too much about the future
- i'm very impatient and at this age I feel useless
- i still question if I'm in the right profession
- i want to live on my own even if i know I can't afford it
- i want to live on my own even if i know I can't leave my mom
- deep inside of me i wish some things didn't have to happen then
- i get angry easily lately
- i'm having a quarter life crisis for the nth time
- i'm ranting again
- i'm never content with everything i have
- i analyze everything, i hate it (hi ej)
- i'm writing these for everyone to read
Ayoko na nga. I'll stay away from the net during these topak times. Baboo. :-S
9:24 PM
Wednesday, October 26, 2005
topak
I miss blogging, but I'm not in the mood to write. Writer by profession shmession.
For the first time in 8 months, I lost some of my drive to work and had my stupid quarter life crisis again. Darn life. But I don't wanna talk about this. Some things are better left unwritten. Ugh. I hope this week ends. At least, I got 2 inuman sessions, a semi-long weekend and a beach trip to look forward to. Haayyy.
10:10 AM
burning down the house
I can't believe a company could fire 22 supervisors on the spot. How rude can those freaking higher ups can get?!?! Ugh I'm infuriated!!! I feel bad for him because he's really demoralized by now. He didn't get fired, but he told me he wants to give his resignation letter tonight. I didn't stop him because I'd probably do the same thing. It's too much and they should sue that company for being a big hell hole. Damn.
So much incompetent companies are sprouting around. A Comm friend has just been ranting about their good-for-nothing boss doesn't want their past employees to write for other publications after a year of resigning. She also had ghost writers who wrote her autobiography of some sort. What a loser.
Anyway, lately too we've been bombarded by nasty and stupid comments from clients who can't squeeze out any of their creative juices for shit. They complain without reason and simply enjoy tormenting agencies they pay millions for. What a crappy corporate world. So much for everything we had to learn for 16 years and more. Crap crap crap. Everyone is a slave of money, fame and power. Screw those dumbass bosses and may they rot in their own shit.
3:23 PM
Thursday, October 20, 2005
on marriage, my mother and that most awaited long weekend
Haay I want to go to the beach badly. Ugh this sucks. My mom has no plans and I've been doing all the planning but it seems like she's too lazy to go. Hassle. As if she'll allow Tatoff & I to go on our own. Argh. And I thought I can do anything once I'm making my own money. But I guess I'm still tied up to her womb because I'm living with her, and I don't pay for the condo's rent. Darn it. I still can't afford it, okay. And even if I do, I still won't be allowed to have my own place because I HAVE/NEED to accompany her. That's just the way it goes.
Okay, why am I ranting about my inevitable life dilemmas again? I can go on rantin about this everyday, and it wouldn't change a thing. Well, except if my mom marries again. Hmm that's even a more complicated state. I mean, we'd have o deal with the man's family and all, and my brother and titos will get so overprotective of their eldest sister. Sheesh. What am I thinking? As if. I've talked to my Mom about this and it seems like she really doesn't have plans. She just can't imagine herself being with another man, aside from my father. She's still his first and last, man. Wow. Amazing.
Watching "Corpse Bride" last night got me thinking about the immortality of marriage. Yes, two people are only bound by the so-called life. When the other dies, he is allowed to 'love' again and have another commitment. I thought about my Mom and Dad and realized that only my Dad's marriage to my Mom has dissolved, but not the other way around. Until now, my Mom is still married to my Dad and is the only man he loved/loves.
For some reason, the movie justified my some of my doubts on marriage primarily because it wasn't portrayed as solemn and as religious as I've learned it to be. In the movie, marriage is just about saying your vows and putting the ring on someone's finger. That's just not how it works for me, that's why it's appears to be intimidating. For me, marriage is a big obstacle course you enter once you've made your vows and put the ring on your partner. It is a commitment to plan your life 'together'. No more selfish ways, no more total independence, no more childishness, no more room for character mistakes. It is not a means to be secure about yourself and your future too. For me, it is not a requirement in life. It is only part of the culture's pressures and conformist ways.
On the other hand, marriage is a union of two souls. Waking up and coming home to your beloved, as if you were the only people on earth are blessings no one can deny. You build a family, have offspring to leave as your legacy. They say that's the most important part of it all, but that calls for another entry.
Writing mush about marriage is too hard to handle already. I'm still obsessed about my singlehood, and I choose to be obsessed for the next 5 years. So help me God. Thy will be done.
But please juxtapose your will with mine. :-D
4:40 PM
Tuesday, October 18, 2005
Spot the difference/s
Tatoff's South Park version made by me :)
My officemates' perception of me :-S
Hmmm... Opposites attract huh? Haha!
But hey, we got the same spooky background ;-D
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Visit www.vexatori.de/zib/spstudio.html to make your own South Park characters! Enjoy!
4:27 PM
Monday, October 17, 2005
Morale of last night's story
"I have found the paradox
that if I love until it hurts,
then there is no hurt,
but only more love."
-Mother Teresa
Haaaayyyyy... I'm glad everything's okay.
Thanks for everything, Tatoff.
Sniff sniff.
:-D
5:54 PM
Thursday, October 13, 2005
Women of Hollywood 2037
Shyet ano kayang itsura ko sa 2037? :-P
10:39 AM
bad mood
I'm in my I-want-to-run-away-from-it-all mood again. You know that lingering feeling when you just want to be alone and not care about anything, not even yourself? Well, that's what I felt during my horrible post-resignation months, but here it is again. Maybe it's because I repressed myself from doing what I really wanted like travelling and going to a beach alone alone or simply just getting a tattoo/ inflicting pain on myself kind of drama.
I want to hit something right now. Yes, not someone. Because I'm not really pissed at anyone in particular. I'm just pissed. Period. And this is not PMS. Whew. I want to drink. Yes, I want to drink alchohol in the middle of the day. So what? Who said it's wrong? I think I'll just do that. But wait, I'm too annoyed and lazy to even get out of this chair. Damn it.
1:19 PM
Tuesday, October 11, 2005
GALIT
Una sa lahat, masasampal ko na yung katabi ko dito sa computer shop kasi #1 nagpapatugtog sya ng malakas with his/her 9110 tapos sinasabayan pa ng kanta. Putcha parang sya lang tao dito ah? Ugh...
Pangalawa, galit ako dahil umamin na ang bf ng kaibigan kong nangangaliwa sya. At ako pa ang tagapagdala ng masamang balita dahil kaopisina ko yung babaeng nilalandi ng lalaki. Nakausap ko siya kanina at sinabi sa 'kin ng kaopisina ko na ang sabi sa kanya ni lalaki, matagal na silang break ng gf nya. Ang kapal ng mukha ah... Halos mag-a-apat na taon na sila tapos sasabihin nyang matagal na silang naghiwalay?!?! Malas na lang nya dahil yung kaopisina ko pa ang nagsabi na sabihin ko na sa kaibigan ko bago sya gaguhin pa. Ang kapal talaga. Alam ko kaibigan ko rin ung lalaki, pero mali lang talaga yung ginawa nya. M-A-L-I.
Aalis man yung gf nya para magtrabaho sa ibang bansa, pero hindi rason yon para maghanap ng kapalit at maging segurista. Ewan ko na. Ayoko na magsalita. Ayoko lang na ginaganun ang mga kaibigan ko. Mali talaga eh. Buti naman at inamin nya lahat ng nabasa nila sa e-mail ko. At buti naman at humingi sya ng tawad sa kaopisina ko. Pero higit sa lahat, kailangan nyang humingi ng tawad sa kaibigan ko. Sinira nyang lahat. Sayang, bilib pa naman ako sa pagsasama nila.
Sobrang lumalabas ang pagka-peminista ko ngayon. Sorry kung nadadamay ka, pero Tatoff, sana 'wag mong sirain ang buong puso kong pagtitiwala ko sa 'yo. Kung sakaling dumating ang panahon na gusto mo na ng iba, sabihin mo lang. Wala namang gaguhan.
Nanggigigil sa galit pero nagmamahal pa rin,
Jenie
9:14 PM
Monday, October 10, 2005
it's fridaaayyyy!
On the other hand, I'm a bit sad because T's sched will be changing SOON. Instead of having a common weekend, he'll have to work on Saturday nights too... Haay :(
May he find a job with a normal shift soon.
Anyway, here's something to cheer everyone up.
Hehe naimpachong pusa :)
HAPPY WEEKEND! ;-D
2:25 PM
Friday, October 07, 2005
lunch post
I just read my sabog entry below and realized that what I planned last night didn't push through. Oh well. As they say, spontaneous events always seem more exciting.
First off, we didn't watch a Spanish film anymore. Since it was my officemate's birthday, we headed to Cena as early as 8pm and began to drink all the frozen gin pom and margarita. I lost count after the 5th glass, and when rain poured on the eve of October's first day, I had to rush to The Fort to meet Idda and friends. There weren't any cabs and it was still raining badly so we just stayed in Greenbelt for a doze of early morning office chismis at McDonald's. Oh yeah, another great thing that very tipsy night was that I didn't have to pay for anything at all! I realized that when my more senior officemates are drunk, dreary and happy they become so kind and generous. :)
Anyway, that was last week. It'll be Friday again tomorrow and I'm going to Idda's final despedida at her house. But I feel a little bit queasy because of some issue that bugged me the whole afternoon yesterday. But then again, it's really none of my business.
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This week came by so fast again, and I'm so excited for the weekend, as always. I'm gonna be with him, and even if we only get to spend a couple of hours together, I must say we get enough of each other. Quality over quantity. Hehehehe :-)
Oh yeah, we had an agreement of some sort. It's about those ScoobyDoo nights of mine. He's a bit worried about those occasional yet nasty vices, so I agreed to compromise. I don't want to sacrifice our relationship for some green leaves. :P
1:11 PM
Thursday, October 06, 2005
Lesson of the day
Don't think that everyone else is as insensitive and blunt as you.
(So think before you say something :P)
Again, I apologize for that stupid and pointless information I told you.
3:34 PM
Tuesday, October 04, 2005
