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meet the predator
call me jenie
born on 02/20/83 after my Dad & Mom drank beer and ate balut 9 months before
lives in Singapore, but always a Pinoy at heart
works as an advertising copywriter, but hates proofreading her blog entries
loves true friends, fake DVD's, alternative music, alcohol, sarcasm, boxing, hatha yoga, and House (the TV series,not the music genre)
loathes indifference, power trippers, narcissists, giant egos and bad breath
tries to live by the quote "Postpone death by living, by suffering, by error, by risking, by giving, by losing." by Anais Nin
the real deal - month one
Today marks my first month in Singapore. They say it's the most difficult and loneliest month for anyone working overseas, and I guess I'd have to agree. It's not like I cry every day, because I'm proud to say I didn't and I still don't. I've tried to use my mind-over-matter tactic during my first 30 days in a foreign country. It works sometimes, but it gets tiring too.
Behind the photos of the trips and the exhilaration I seem to be having here lies a young OFW or expat (if they want to call it that) who's still going through a quarter life crisis. I miss the Philippines to death and still have gawking moments as I try to figure out why the hell I am here when I'm having the freaking time of my life back home. In fact, during my first two weeks at work, I'd almost always get lost or take the wrong bus or train. I'm just so lost, literally and figuratively. I looked for a job in Singapore because I told myself I will. That's all. It's all part of my being goal-oriented and aggressive. Yes, it's still about saving money and gaining job experience, but now that I'm here, I keep thinking if it's really worth it. I left my Mom, my boyfriend, a bunch of great friends and a beautful country with the most hospitable people. I'm young, single, not so materialistic, have no dependents, and here I am trying to tell the outside world that I need money. Well, guess what? Money doesn't buy that much happiness and memories spent with loved ones. The truth is, the first thing I want to do with my salary next week is book a ticket to visit the Philippines. Sounds stupid right? Going here to save up for a ticket back home. But it's true. At least that can prove that money can buy happiness - sometimes. I wonder if I'll eat my words when I get my first paycheck? We'll see.
Nonetheless, I never knew the true meaning of 'homesickness' 'til I stepped foot on a country similar to the Philippines - Thailand. I have no idea what their language is about, but I really felt the warmth of the people and the welcoming mood of the island. I don't feel that here at all. Or maybe I just refuse to. I think I'm going to turn into a cold and heartless workaholic if i don't go out of the city once in a while.
The night before we left Thailand, I was texting with Tatoff while watching 'Crash' on Star Movies. I remember watching the movie with him back home, and I don't know if it's just the whole depressing plot of the film, but that's when the loneliness really hit me. I felt 'homesick' to the bone and in another country. I went to the restroom to relieve myself of tears. A good 5-minute of it was enough for me. I'm grateful I actually got in touch with my emotions at last. I was on a vacation and good thing my defenses were down. I was starting to be a bit frightened that I'll turn numb after this whole ordeal. I even avoid blogging about my mishaps and dilemmas here. I don't really want to let everyone know about it, because I don't want to hear the "I told you so" remark. I'm full of pride like that. I need to stand up for this decision, and I don't want anyone pulling me down. Not when I'm still insecure and lonely.
So what have I learned for the first month? A lot, really. I've learned so much in 30 days than I've ever imagined. Independence sure does teach you so the most important things about yourself. Migration reminds you of your loyalty to your country and the people in it, no matter what other first world country says. Absence really does make the heart grow fonder, and those involved, much stronger. And finally, love is definitely the shortest distance between two people.
4:38 PM
Tuesday, March 27, 2007
